Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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