I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
