just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize