One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
