I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
