i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
