I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
