You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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