Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
