Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
