I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
