i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
