Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
