I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
