Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
