Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
