Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
