Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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