Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
