Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
