I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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