Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I had to cum in my sink.
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