"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
