he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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