Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
