you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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