3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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