My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize