he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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