you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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