I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I want a musical about memes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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