Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
