We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
