I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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