Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
