38 yer olds are good kisserssss
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
