i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize