I accidentally had phone sex last night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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