Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
