That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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