I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize