make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
