do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
