I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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