A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
