Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
