I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
