after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
