My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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