he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
