I wish I could punch you in the face.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
