We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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