Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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