ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
