I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
