He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
