i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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