the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
