people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If I die, sorry about rent.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
