think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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