If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
