I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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