my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
