can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
